“FAT”

A Teen Girls Struggle With Weight, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Depression and Body Image.

Dear God, help me. I learned in church that to treat our bodies like we would treat your temple. Forgive me for making myself sick. You of all people should understand. I’d be normal if you had made me thin, instead of fat. Why did you have to give me such wide hips? I’m so fat. What guy wants his girlfriend to look like me, a beast? If you truly loved me, you’d help me get thin. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’d rather die than continue to be so fat.

Jimmy will be here in twenty minutes. Where’s my stupid toothbrush? I’ll use lots of toothpaste and mouthwash so I won’t taste like throw-up when Jimmy kisses me. Why do my eyes always have to water and make my mascara run when I stick my finger down my throat? I still feel like there’s food in my stomach from yesterday. I can feel the calories. I’ll do three hundred more sit-ups. One … two … three …four … God, I’m dizzy. 12 … If I can just do these sit-ups, today I will have done 1,300 in all. Tomorrow, I do 2,000 sit-ups and run two miles. I won’t eat anything for the next two weeks … 59 … 60 … 61 … that way, I’ll be really skinny and all the popular guys will think I’m really pretty. 122 …123 … I should take another one of those diet 172 … 173 … 0h no! Jimmy’s early! Now I’m gonna gain weight because I can’t do sit-ups when he’s here!

“Hi, Jimmy.”

“Hi, Adrienne. You look really nice.”

“No I don’t. I look fat.”

“Adrienne,you’re like, the skinniest person I know. How many times do I have to tell you that? Everyone always tells you that you’re too skinny. Anyway, I hope you’re hungry because we have reservations for Charlies.”

“I just ate.” God, did you plan this? I don’t want to eat again because then I’ll have to throw up. I don’t feel like vomiting, or wiping my mascara. I don’t want to wipe any throw-up that may splatter on my new sweater,either.

“Why can’t we just stay home, or go to a movie or something?”

“Because I’m starved. What’s the matter with you?”

“First of all, you know I hate eating out, and second, I have a stomachache.” I’m just gonna sit on the couch and refuse to look at him. Men are so insensitive. I feel like dumping Jimmy. He like, lied to me and said I was thin. How idiotic can he get? My stomach really does hurt. God’s probably punishing me for not taking proper care of my body.

“Jimmy,maybe you should just go home.”

“Why? Don’t you want to spend time with me? Are you mad? What is it? Do you not love me anymore?”

“Of course I love you, Jimmy. It’s just … I don’t feel like eating, that’s all.” Dear God, please don’t let Jimmy kiss me. I probably still taste like throw-up. Oh God, why do you hate me? Can’t you distract him?

“I missed kissing you all day.”

“Jimmy, what are we doing tonight?”

“Do you have anything to eat here?”

“Well, I can try to make you something.”

“Anything edible sounds good.”

Guys are so lucky. They can eat anything they want and not gain a pound. It’s not fair.Jimmy is thin, but built. I’m the twin of the fat lady in the circus.

“Never mind, forget the food. Let’s just stay here and snuggle.”

“Jimmy, I told you I have a stomach ache.”

“Well, let me rub it.”

“No. You just want to squeeze my love handles.”

“What love handles?”

“Jimmy, don’t laugh at me! You know I’m fat!”

God, why can’t guys understand that when you say you don’t feel well, you don’t want to be touched. If I was a guy, I’d understand. Jimmy knows I hate it when he touches my stomach. He always ends up fondling my fat rolls. So why does he continue to do it when he knows it bothers me?

“I have to go to the bathroom.”

Yes, finally. The laxatives are kicking in. I just hope I lose a ton of weight. I need another diet pill. I wonder if I can exercise while sitting on the toilet. I’ll step on the scale to see how much weight I’ve lost since this morning. Oh God! I’ve only lost one pound! If I can get rid of Jimmy, I can run up and down my stairs one hundred times. Is my wrist getting any thinner? Is my waist any leaner? I know, I’ll just puke again. Don’t think about the pain. Don’t think about the pain. Just heave. Why is only liquid coming up? This isn’t working. What is that medicine that kids drink when they swallow poison that helps them throw-up? Ipecac? I think we might have some. Here it is. I’ll just drink the whole bottle. It tastes awful! Just drink it. Just drink it. It will help you get thinner.

“Are you okay in there?”

“Um … Yes. I’ll be out soon. You should really go home, Jimmy. I don’t feel well.”

“Should I call your mother at work?”

“No. I just need to rest.”

“Okay. I feel terrible about leaving you here alone so sick.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I just need a goodnight sleep.”

“Okay. Whatever you say.”

Why can’t Jimmy just mind his own business. I’m seventeen and can take care of myself. I’ll just open the door and tell him to get out of my house.

“Jimmy …”

“Here, let me help you to the couch.”

“I’m not crippled. Jimmy, I really appreciate your concern … “

“Just relax. I’ll call later to check on you.”

“Okay.Good-bye.”

Don’t kiss me. I have vomit breath. Please don’t kiss me.Why did you have to kiss me?

Thank God, he’s finally gone. I’m so tired and this couch is so comfortable. What’s that in my fingernail? A piece of food.I hate food. What’s the point of eating? To get fat? Oh, dear God! I feel so nauseous! Oh, my head is spinning! It’s the Ipecac. Yes! I’m going to really throw up! Thank you, God! This tastes so terrible coming up, but at least it’s working. Eew! I hate it when the vomit slams into the toilet so hard it splashes me in the face. That’s so gross. Why is my vomit black? My heart is pounding so hard. I need to rest. I need Tylenol to cure my headache, and another diet pill.I need some more laxatives, too. I should weigh myself to see how much more weight I’ve lost. Oh my God! I’ve only lost another pound! I’m so fat! Why is it so hard to get thin? I’ll go run up and down my stairs. Is my wrist any thinner?Jimmy, I’ll show you how beautiful I’ll be when I’m thin. You’ll be so proud to have me as your girlfriend.

Running up and down these stairs is so tiresome. Surely I’m burning thousands of calories. Only ten more times to go!How does Claudia Shiffer stay so skinny? Maybe I should stop eating food and just live off vitamins. I’m so tired and hot and my stomach is rumbling. Oh, good! The laxatives are working again!

I really need to rest. The world is spinning.My pulsating heartbeat and rapid breathing are so loud, I can’t hear anything else. I need to sit. Is there anything on TV? Oh. A McDonald’s commercial. Those fries look so delicious … and fattening. I’m hungry. I should take another diet pill. God, are you anywhere close? I feel sick. Help me to feel better. I hope you aren’t mad at me for throwing up again. This is your fault, God. You should have made me beautiful and thin. I swear, I’d rather die than be fat. God,if I don’t weigh 60 pounds or less by Tuesday, I’m going to kill myself.

I hate my fat legs. Does that scale say 86 pounds? Five minutes ago, I weighed 85pounds! Oh my God! I’m gaining weight! Should I walk in front of traffic on the highway? Should I shoot myself with Daddy’s gun? No. I’d probably still be fat in Heaven. I’ll just keep working until I’m thin.

I’m glad I’m crying. Crying makes you lose weight. I’m so very tired. My stomach and head ache so bad. Jimmy doesn’t really love me, or he’d be here with me. No one could love a hideous,obese monster like me. I’ll sit on the couch and cry myself to sleep. When I wake up, I will do 3,000 sit-ups and run ten miles. I’ll make myself throw-up until there’s nothing left in my body. I’ll do that and more for the rest of my life.Jimmy, you’ll see. I’ll never be fat again. I’ll be thin . . . or dead.

Do you have a story you would like featured? Please send it to the following email address: We would love to share and link to your personal site, to show off your talent.

TheCrew@TollieSchmidt.com

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3 Ways To Re-Spark The Magic Back Into Your Relationship

3 Ways To Re-Spark The Magic Back Into Your Relationship

Are you frustrated that your relationship doesn’t have the magic and
romance that it once had? Feel like you’re stuck in a rut and always doing the
same things?

Young Love By The Sea

You’re not alone. After dating someone for a long time, it’s easy to
slip into a stable and comfortable routine. However, you often lose the spark
that made your relationship so special in the first place. Not to worry, here
are three simple, fun and creative ways to reignite that magic:

1. Give them a unique gift – Name a Star after your partner.
A number of astronomical agencies allow individuals to name stars and you receive
formal documentation identifying the star that you have named. Or how about
this: Give your partner a magic gift box, and every month place a new small
gift in the box for your beloved to discover.

2. Say “I love you” in a unique way - Take a book
that your partner is reading and, using a pencil, underline letters in a section
of the book she has yet to read to spell out a secret message of “I love
you” or an entire love letter. Doing it just like this. Or for something
really unique: You can buy special plants that grow and after 14 days display
a message of your choice on the leaf. Cool or what!

3. Start going on dates again – One thing that separates couples
with ‘out of this world’ relationships, is they never stop doing new, fun and
exciting things with their partner. In other words, they never stop dating and
neither should you.

Spend the day doing fun things: go to the carnival, the beach, have a water
fight, stare at the clouds on a grassy hill, go on a picnic, walk in the rain
without raincoats and umbrellas, dress up in funny costumes and hit the town.
Or how about this: Pick your partner up for a date and blindfold her before
driving to a special destination. Try to make the destination something really
unexpected like a table set up at the top of a cliff or a dinner on a boat or
old-fashioned ship. It needs to be something that will have an impact when she
removes the blindfold.

Believe me when I say that NOTHING can rekindle the love, passion and excitement
in your relationship more than going on fun and creative dates together.

Young Love By The Sea

About the Author:

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 300 Creative Dates,
a book jam-packed with ways to rekindle your relationship with creative and
romantic outings, including including ideas for every day dates, long distance
relationships, birthdays, anniversaries and more. To learn more, visit the creative
date ideas site

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Tollie’s Big Move To Rome:

Found a Sweet Apartment!

Luxurious apartment located in Via Giulia, a few steps from Campo dè Fiori and Piazza Navona, in the heart of the historical centre. The fully restored apartment, which has no lift, is located on the 4th floor inside an old building of the XV century protected by the Ministry of the Fine Arts. It’s made up of a big hall with couches, fireplace and dining area, double bedroom with internal bathroom with tub, a twin bedroom with internal bathroom with shower, fully equipped kitchen, large co-owned terrace overlooking the whole wonderful city. It’s provided with satellite tv, air conditioning, washing machine, dishwasher. The high ceilings made in wood, the flooring made in cotto, the excellent furniture and soft-furnishings give the finishing touch to this elegant apartment.

Tollie's Sweet Roman Apartment

Tollie's Sweet Roman Apartment

Tollie's Sweet Roman Apartment

Tollie's Sweet Roman Apartment

Tollie's Sweet Roman Apartment

Tollie's Sweet Roman Apartment

Now All I need is a sweet little Scooter, and good to go. Let the Adventure begin…

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Teen on Teen Advice For Eating Healthy at Restaurants

Fourteen-year-old Lanie Bayless has been eating out since she was only four-days-old. Her dad is the award-winning chef Rick Bayless, owner of two popular Chicago restaurants, Frontera Grill and Topolobampo. Lanie literally grew up at Frontera Grill – her room is above the kitchen. With all that restaurant experience under her belt, she has awesome advice for teens trying to dine out healthy.

A Side Order of Veggies, Please

Like a lot of adolescents, Lanie says she’s not a big fan of vegetables. Her list of likes is short: carrots, green beans, salad, and sesame spinach, which is on the menu at many Japanese restaurants. What she loves are comfort foods and dessert (like most kids her age!)

Still, whenever Lanie is at a restaurant, she makes a nutritious point of ordering vegetables with her meal to make sure her body gets all the vitamins, minerals, fiber and other nutrients it needs. “For me, I always want to eat stuff that’s rich and creamy. That’s fine to do, but I always try to order a salad or something to go with it and try to balance it out, “ she explains. “I always try to have something in there like vegetables.”

Lanie and Rick’s Excellent Kitchen Adventures

Lanie has eaten her way around the globe with her parents, dining both in restaurants and at the homes of far-flung family friends. Last fall, she and her dad published a book about their travels – Rick and Lanie’s Excellent Kitchen Adventures (Stewart, Tabori & Change, 2004). It’s an endearing collection of much loved recipes, stories, and lists of “cool” CDs from around the world to listen to when you are cooking, which teenagers will really get a kick out of.

Asked what was the strangest food she tasted during her globetrotting, Lanie says, “every little thing that I put in my mouth in Japan! They had some pretty weird food there.”

She says her favorite cuisines are French and Mexican and she gives her dad’s restaurants high marks.

Get Some C

In addition to eating lots of vegetables (and fruit) for good health, teens need to make sure to get plenty of calcium. This important mineral is responsible for strong, healthy bones and teeth. Teenagers, girls in particular, need a lot of calcium because their bones are growing rapidly.

Milk is the beverage of choice for teens when they are eating out, rather than a sugary soda or fruit drink. A yogurt smoothie is another good option.

Other Tips For Teens Eating Out:

Use delicious, low-fat salsa on your baked potato instead of sour cream or butter.
Try mustard in place of mayonnaise as a sandwich spread.
Ask for salad dressings on the side and use in moderation.
Order entrees that are broiled, baked or grilled instead of fried.
Split dessert with a pal to save calories.
Listen to your body. When you feel full, stop eating!

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• Treatments For Teen Anorexia and Eating Disorders Creating Dreams From Depression
• 5 Tips to Avoid Developing a Life Threatening Eating Disorder
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Anorexia is known to most of us as an eating disorder stemming from a deeply-rooted obsession with body-image, being thin, not gaining weight  and anorexia suffers do not typically even want to eat, anymore or at all. They may constantly worry about how many calories they take in or how much fat is in their food. They may take diet pills, laxatives or water pills in order to lose weight. They may exercise too much.

Anorexics usually think they’re fat, even though they’re very thin. People with anorexia may get so thin that they look like they’re sick. This physical manifestation of harmful intent to self, threatening all-round health and wellness and total well-being is disturbing and also prevalent in the teen population. Individuals suffering from anorexia, go to extreme lengths to keep themselves from gaining weight
The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders quotes some disturbing facts regarding eating disorders:

♣    8,000,000 or more people in the United States have an eating disorder, 90% are women.
♣    Victims may be rich or poor.
♣    Eating disorders usually start in the teens but may begin as early as age 8.

Speculation and scientific research all try to understand and explain the causes of eating disorders – it is unknown what exactly triggers or causes something like anorexia for example, but possible explanations that are offered include:

♣    feeling stressed out or upset about something in your life, or
♣    feeling like you need to be “in control.”
♣    Society also puts a lot of pressure on people to be thin.

Here is a Teen Anorexia Video sent to me through youtube.

This is how a anorexic girl sees herself.”You can never bee too thin…I’m too fat”.

I Had to re-post this video…For the ones Under the age of 18.It shows how a anorexic girl sees herself!

Tollie's "OnlyaDreamer152" YouTube Video's

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Around 18 million US citizens suffer from stress, depression and anxiety every
year and for many of them, understanding why they endure the torment is
difficult to establish. This is because of the many “magic bullet myths”
associated with these problems. Here are five self help steps that will bring
rapid depression, anxiety and stress relief along with the root cause as to why
stress, anxiety and depression arise.

Teenage Depression In Pictures: TollieSchmidt.com

1. Chemical imbalances within the brain. This is a theory with no proven clinical
evidence to support it. The theory alleges that low levels of certain
neurotransmitters in the brain cause people to suffer from anxiety, stress or
depression. Drug therapy is used to treat the imbalance. But there is no test to
establish levels of these chemicals before patients are prescribed drugs and
therefore, no way of knowing which chemicals are depleted and which ones
aren’t. So there’s no way of measuring success either. Another issue: Over
seventy percent of people who stop taking antidepressants enter into second
and further episodes of stress, anxiety or depression. For another one third, they
are totally ineffective. But if chemical imbalances haven’t been proven to cause
these problems, why are they being treated?

Teenage Depression: "You Don't Belong" TollieSchmidt.com

2. Nutritionally deficient diet, either not eating enough fresh food or eating way
too much junk food. There are many people throughout the world who don’t eat
a good diet. Most of our forefathers would’ve struggled to eat the recommended
5 portions of fruit and vegetables every day. Does this mean all of these people
suffered from stress, depression or anxiety? Highly unlikely. And I know people
whose diet is largely junk and they don’t suffer from stress, depression or anxiety.
Also, does it mean that everybody who eats a nutritionally sound diet won’t suffer
from these problems? Again, and I include myself in this, there are people who
eat a balanced, nutritionally sound diet but suffer from stress, depression or
anxiety. Why?

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3. Toxins. The premise here is that as our air is polluted, containing harmful,
poisonous or toxic chemicals, the air we breathe is causing more and more people
to enter into stressful or depressive episodes. If that is the case, then everybody
who lives in a modern city – New York, LA, Tokyo, Athens, Paris, London,
Mexico City, Rome, Berlin, Chicago, Moscow, etc. – must all be enduring the misery
of mental torment because each of them breathe the same polluted air. Is this so?
Of course not. And by the same rule, does it mean that if you live outside polluted
cities, in coastal towns or villages in the beautiful countryside etc. – then you’re
immune from mental trauma? Certainly it does not.

4. Trauma. This means that if you encounter a traumatic event, say death of a loved
one, or moving home or relationship breakdown for example, such an event can
cause stress, depression or anxiety. But such events happen to every human being
and not all of them become depressed. This means that events cannot cause these
problems, but the way we respond to them can.

Teenage Girl Depression In Pictures: TollieSchmidt.com

5. Genetics. If your parents suffered these problems, you will too. This does hold a
little truth. Because while there is no genetic link to these problems, you can learn
the modes of behavior that cause these problems from them throughout childhood.
So, if your parents reacted to events in their lives that caused them to be stressed,
depressed or anxious, you will learn them too. The good news is that just as you
learned them you can unlearn them.

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The problem with all of the above is that they shift focus from outside yourself to
try and find a “magic bullet” (drugs, diet, events, genetics, toxins) when the
answer to them lies within yourself. None of the above can cause depression and
therefore, you cannot find a cure by addressing them. The best self help for
depression, stress and anxiety is done by treating the root cause and that root
cause lies in the way you make sense out of everything in your life.

Teenage Depression Tough Guys Don't Cry They Hide It. TollieSchmidt.com

Once the root cause has been successfully addressed using a combination of
knowledge, understanding and personal skills, stress, depression and anxiety will
never cause you anguish ever again.

Click Here Now to get started right away on kicking stress, depression and anxiety out of your life forever so you can enjoy a brighter, happier future!

Former anxiety sufferer Chris Green is the author of “Conquering Stress”, the
internationally acclaimed anxiety, stress and depression self help book that will
show you how to permanently conquer stress, depression and anxiety without
taking powerful drugs. For more info, click here => http://www.conqueringstress.com

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Foods That Give Us Energy

It’s really unfortunate that the vast majority of the population turns to stimulants instead of looking to whole foods for a boost of invigorating energy. I guess part of the problem is that humans are generally lazy and would rather take the “magic pill” to fix all their problems.

But when it comes to having more energy the irony is that the stimulating foods such coffee, sugar, and energy drinks actually fatigue your body in the long run. Sure they give you a quick jolt of energy but then their real effects are felt as they wear down your adrenal glands, disrupt your blood sugar, and create a huge crash after the initial high. Essentially they are drugs. They are not foods that give us energy.

Ok, then, what are some natural foods that will give you long-lasting energy?

Eating For Energy

Well, you may want to consider that no single food will give you more energy than your overall diet. Sure you could add in some of the energy foods I describe below, but if your diet is horrific to begin with, then you will not see the sustained level of energy that you want.

Instead of searching for “miracle” energy foods your goal should be to eat a diet that consists of foods that are vibrating at higher energies. This means eating more raw living foods. When a food has not been cooked, it maintains its natural energy properties (not to mention all of its other nutrients). Thus, when you eat raw foods, you’re giving your body direct energy from the ultimate source – the sun – as most of these foods will be plant-based, and the sun is where they get their energy.

The closer you eat to the bottom of the food chain, the more nutrition and energy will you acquire. Think about it – it takes more of your energy to digest animal meat than it does to digest a green vegetable, right? Plus, this green veggie will have the maximum amount of living energy versus a dead animal carcass.

Thus, to have more energy, you need to follow a high energy diet. After that, you can start to knit pick and see which specific foods give you more energy, if at all.

To help you get started, here is a list of some my favorite energizing foods:

- wheat grass – if you haven’t tried wheat grass then you’re missing out on some big time energy and nutrition. Growing it and juicing yourself can be a bit of a pain but you can easily get a “shot” at most health food stores or juice bars. 1 oz of wheat grass juice packs more nutrition than 2.5 lbs of green leafy veggies!

- raw cacao (nibs or powder) – incredible source of magnesium, antioxidants, and life force. These give me a natural high that can last for hours without the subsequent like you would get from coffee and caffeinated beverages.

- goji berries – another incredible source of antioxidants and polysaccharides that improve cell-to-cell communication. I actually combine these with my raw cacao nibs and complementary tastes work really well together.

Remember that although these foods provide incredible nutrition they are the like the healthier version of coffee and other quick fixes. The key still remains to follow a raw foods diet, as much as possible, that will provide you with tons of life force, alkalinity, and nutrients to help your body thrive.

About the Author

Yuri Elkaim is one of the world’s leading holistic nutrition and health experts. If you want to lose weight and live your healthiest and most energetic life ever, then you can learn more about his raw food diet book, Eating for Energy and get started with a FREE 6-part Energy Secrets e-course by visiting EatingforEnergy.ca today.

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“Grown men can learn from very little children for the hearts of the little children are pure. Therefore, the Great Spirit may show to them many things which older people miss.”

Black Elk

I don’t share a lot of the emails, I receive anymore. Sometimes, I have one which I feel is important to share. This young warrior is not the “exception” so many are struggling with images of wars. However, they are supposed to be warriors, so cultural trends say you keep these feelings inside, don’t show emotion. Maybe this is why the United States Military is now investing millions into psychological training for soldiers. Suicide’s have increased drastically within our military. Today, America is now investing in the well being of our brave men and women serving the Human Spirit.

“Man I know u don’t know me but I was wondering if u could help me out. I’m a United States Marine that went to Iraq and fought for my country and seen and done things that really are weighing me down in life. I’m lost don’t know how where or what to do to make my life better. I don’t know who I am or what will become of me, or if Ive lived my purpose in this life already and now I have just been pushed to the side. No one understands me or what I’m going through, I just want to be me again and not this ass hole I have become that lashes out at everyone around even my love ones. The doctors say I have ptsd…I just want to be me again, if u have any wisdom to give I’m all ears……”

Sincerely a lost soul trying to find his way home…

I am still talking with this Marine and have also made calls to help create some dreams for him. Things have gotten better, and he was even laughing last time I spoke to him. I will say this particular situation scared me some. It is one of those situations where saying the wrong thing, suggesting a wrong course could lead to a suicide. Add to the pressure, he is a Marine and from Oklahoma, talk about two characteristics I hold very close to my heart.

However, I took a day and really reflected on the situation and did some research. I also, gained strength for knowing that this young Marine was asking “ME” for help. Rather than fear I felt honored and knew I could create a dream for this warrior. Remember those who give their all for us. Remember the cost of our freedom and how blessed we truly are. Most importantly realize, the simple fact that you can not possible understand what these warriors go through unless your standing by their side.

I have one last quote. It’s easy how easily things are interpreted and views are perceived. Also, how easily tolerance turns to hate.

When a white army battles Indians and wins, it is called a great victory, but if they lose it is called a massacre.

Chiksika, Shawnee

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“I will not die an un-lived life. I will not live in fear of falling or
catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.”

Amsterdam During The Holidays Along The Canals TollieSchmidt.com

There is an old Cherokee saying about life:

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.”

My dreams have been coming true over the last few months. The opportunities and travel have been a result of many changes in my outlook on life. I have been able to help so many more people as I have been able to expand on talents laying dormant inside of me. As a dreamer it is time again to spread my wings and take flight. This is why I’m moving to Rome, because life is an adventure, weaved through art, feelings,people,love,passion and not allowing fear to stop your opportunity for amazing feelings through adventure infused by dreams and feelings.

Amsterdam Canal Photograph TollieSchmidt.com

I have always believed in being very open with everyone. I am a firm believer in never apologizing for your feelings. So, I’m gonna share a glimpse of what I like to call my “Vision-Dream” board. I would encourage all of you to create one for yourself. Creating a photographic scrapbook of your dreams and adventures you wish to create in your life is important. They remind you of what you really want, which in return directs your actions to achieve them.

Tollie's Dream Home The Artistic Victoria II Log Castle Home TollieSchmidt.com

I dream of a home created with natural elements, built with an artistic architectural style. A place where my family can grow, explore, and dream. Outback a huge playhouse and pirate ship where my kids can play outside and use their imagination. A Place where they can sail the high seas, and explore new worlds. A place where a princess is still a princess and creates beauty because she’ll know true beauty lies from within.

Tollie's Dream Home The Victoria II Log Castle Side Elevation View TollieSchmidt.com

A Home where I can house a complete studio. Where I can create art through photo’s. A Imagination studio to write songs, create shows for television, and live events. A Peaceful surrounding to write poetry and keep the lost art alive for further generations. A home where my wife, can create any world she wants to live. A home where she can be her own amazing person while dreaming of the next adventure.

Walt Disney World's Yacht Club Resort Lighthouse On The Lake. TollieSchmidt.com

I dream of a home with open space. A home sitting on enough acreage in central Florida where anyone who needs a place to stay will know they are welcome and they are home as long as they need one. A Compound safe for my family and also to create a summer camp for hundreds of kids who want to dream. A special place where they can live inside their imagination and create while encouraged and loved. A beautiful lake with a lighthouse, always shining bright as a symbol of our love piercing any darkness or doubt for those who need to believe.

Homer and Bart Simpson Sliding Down The Stairs TollieSchmidt.com

I also want a Simpsons themed Movie room inside the house. What can I say I love the Simpsons and I want to create an awesome Movie setting experience where you feel right at home in Springfield.

To Dance Under The Eifel Tower In The City Of Love "Paris" TollieSchmidt.com

When you can take the love of your life, your “Dream Come True” and because you don’t live by a schedule you can fly to Paris just for you can share a dance under the Eifel Tower.

Creating A Feeling Dancing In A Field..."And They Danced" TollieSchmidt.com

To have the freedom to grab life by the horns and create new experiences and adventure with your family. Allowing your children to learn languages and cultures by being present rather than by reading in a book.

St. Basils Cathedral Moscow Russia On Red Square TollieSchmidt.com

Allowing your children to feel history rather then looking at pictures. Creating a passion for life and service with compassion. Giving them the opportunity to see how people live outside of the American Vacuum for they will know tolerance, and understanding.

Where Warriors Still Battle "The Colosseum Rome"

Feeling the emotions of thousands through a live “Journey of a Dreamer” Experience. Infusing Lights-Fire-Music-Acting-Dance-Video-Photography-Spoken Word into a life changing powerful explossion of Dreams. Creating a cultural change and smashing the illusion of life. Stripping fear, knocking down walls and watching teens across this world take a stand and Be Great!

"Journey of a Dreamer" Live Stage Experience. TollieSchmidt.com

To know at the end of the show and Life’s curtain draws on me for the last time I can say “I did my best, I gave it all, I loved with a firery passion, I served and helped as many as I could.” This is a small glimpse of my vision/dream board. And it’s all coming true, maybe it’s the Mojo…Who knows, but it’s my beautiful dream.

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“The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides and gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, we shall have discovered fire.”

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I have a dream that flipped in my head,
A dream that is always there and can’t be denied,
In the dream the sea is different but I’m exactly the same,
Vivid colors and such amazing skies that took my breath away.

With my mind swept away I felt slipping into a reflection,
I stood alone with water covering my face,
Rocks under my feet and water touching my toes,
I felt the warmth of the sun setting under me.

I watched the day die as waves tossed at my feet,
Hoping for time to stand still as I become one with the sun
Suddenly I was swept out to sea, carried in a dream,
Sailing in a boat made of memories and rowing in thoughts.

I got to where the sky meets the sea,
And right there I knew It was you i was dreaming for,
As my heart gave a leap, I called out your name,
It echoed through the waves so the whole world could hear.

Everything was perfect, yet flawed without you,
A dot slowly appeared, growing as I gazed at it,
A boat getting nearer, rowing through my thoughts
And you stepped out, wiped the tear from my eye.

Then I woke up and you were gone,
The sea stole you’re boat, all remain was my thoughts
But I’ll wait for you, always, with a dream in my head,
I’ll love you, forever, and on this shoreline, I stand.

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Of the many questions you ask yourself every day, one question is by far more important than all of the rest put together. It is a powerful question that will bring clarity, motivation and purpose to your whole existence.

The question is simply this: “What do I want from life?” Providing a clear, precise answer brings total focus to our lives. But very few people can. Why?
OK, I meet many people through my professional and social lives and what amazes me is that very few of them can answer this question. Most of them answer in abstract terms, such as:
•    ”I want money. Lots of money.”
•    ”I want to be happy.”
•    ”I want a beautiful house.”
•    ”I want a sports car.”
•    ”I just want to meet someone, fall in love and settle down.”
•    ”I DON’T REALLY KNOW.”

Creating Your Dreams and Finding True Love-Passion-Happiness

Amazingly, the last one is the most common. And the problem with all of the above answers is that they aren’t really answers at all. Because none of them give a specific, precise answer.
Why You Don’t Know What Your Want
Just why do so few people know precisely what they want from life? There are a number of reasons, here’s just 3 of the more common:
Number one on our list is FEAR. To know precisely what you want out of life means you have to go and get it. You have to take action, make changes and work hard to manifest your desires into reality. You can’t hide behind abstracts any longer. This stark truth and the changes needed can be frightening. But you must see the whole process of getting what you want as enjoyable and rewarding and not as a threat.

Next on our list is HARD WORK. Identifying exactly what you want from life requires quite a bit of effort. And of course, if you want to achieve your goals, you have to work hard by investing time and toil every day. Many people simply aren’t prepared to put in a significant effort to get what they want. Are you?
The last reason I’ll cover here is MINDSET. The vast majority of people have the mindset that life is something that happens to them. I call this “bumbling”, and it is why people cannot provide a precise answer to our question and answer with abstracts instead. Fate, kismet, “If it’s meant to be it’ll be” are the core beliefs here. But to get what you want, you have to make things happen in your life. This is living by design and it is important to have this core belief if you are to achieve your objectives.
So schedule at least half an hour each day to think about what, exactly, you want from life. Don’t let fear be your guide in this. Take the time and write down EXACT objectives. For example:
•    If you want a house, specify the type, the location, the price, features, number of rooms – as much detail as you can.
•    If you want a car, what make, what model? What color? Specification?
•    If you want to meet someone to start a relationship, how will they look? Blond? Dark? Tall? Personality type? Shy, extrovert, strong?
•    When it comes to money, how much do you want? How much will you need to help you get what you want?
Get the idea? The more detail you can provide the better. If you cannot provide detailed, specific answers to the question, you will be more likely to bumble through life HOPING to get what you want instead of CREATING AND ATTRACTING what you want.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with bumbling – unless you want to live an empowered life!
Time for me to sign off, but before I go, I’ll leave you with this:
“Most people are on a journey to nowhere in particular and are shocked when they eventually realize they’ve arrived there.”
It’s your life. Think about it!

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Earlier this year I found myself thinking about thinking.

Specifically, what is it that makes the human mind so special? Like many people, I have always believed that the answer lies in our capacity for conscious thought. But listening to speakers at a recent Ernst Strungmann Forum in Frankfurt, Germany, I began to wonder if there might be more to it than that.

It was a discussion entitled “Better than conscious” that had me intrigued. The more I listened to what the assembled scientists had to say and talked to them about their work, the more it seemed that our higher consciousness alone is not what sets us apart from other animals.

In fact, far from playing second fiddle to the conscious mind, subconscious thought processes may play a crucial role in many of the mental facilities we prize as uniquely human, including creativity, memory, learning and language.

Modern notions of the subconscious were invented by Sigmund Freud as part of his now-discredited theory of psychoanalysis. These days the subconscious is on a firmer scientific footing – although many neurobiologists avoid the word “subconscious”, preferring “non-conscious”, “pre-conscious” or “unconscious” to describe thought processes that happen outside consciousness.
Where Freud and his followers saw the subconscious as little more than an emotional and impulsive force in a constant tug of war with the more logical and detached conscious mind, we now know that this view is too simplistic. Our subconscious is not an unthinking autopilot that needs to be subjugated by rationality, but a purposeful, active and independent guide to behavior.
Some scientists go so far as to believe that it is responsible for the vast majority of our day-to-day activity and that we are nothing more than “zombies” guided by our subconscious. This is an extreme point of view, but in the past few years, researchers trying to understand the nature of human consciousness and how it differs from the subconscious have made some surprising discoveries. Put the findings of many studies together and another picture emerges. There is more to being human than consciousness.

To get to this new view of the subconscious, neuroscientists and psychologists have had to fight hard to overcome a major barrier. So far, there is no reliable way to distinguish between conscious and subconscious thought processes. They can be described easily enough – psychologists use terms such as explicit/implicit, procedural/declarative or automatic/controlled to distinguish between the thought process. Explicit, declarative – or conscious – thoughts are those that can easily be expressed in words, for example, whereas subconscious ones are hard to articulate. Conscious thought processes are disrupted if you are forced to direct your attention elsewhere. Subconscious ones are not. But as yet you cannot simply look at an image of the brain and say what kind of thought process is being used.

Yet there are several ways to investigate the conscious/subconscious divide, as Stanislas Dehaene, director of the Cognitive Neuroimaging Unit at INSERM, the French equivalent of the US National Institutes of Health, points out. One is to study people with brain damage who have conditions such as blindsight – where they are unable to see visual stimuli on one side following an injury or stroke. While they may be unaware of seeing an action or an object, if forced to guess what was in that visual field they perform far better than would be expected by chance. This suggests that while they may not consciously see a stimulus, they are able to subconsciously process what they have seen and respond appropriately.

Another approach, which Dehaene uses in his lab, is called masking. Here volunteers are shown a word for just a few tens of milliseconds, followed by another image, the mask, which prevents the subject consciously noticing the word. By gradually increasing the delay between the word and mask, awareness of the word moves from the subconscious into the conscious mind. You can measure when this happens by asking subjects to say when they first notice the flashed word or, more objectively, by asking the volunteers questions about the target word – for example, asking them to decide whether it is a natural or artificial item. Using brain scans you can also look for differences in brain activity during subconscious and conscious perceptions of the word (PLoS Biology, vol 5, e260).
These methods show the masked word “popping” into consciousness when the interval between the two images is around 50 milliseconds – less if the word has emotional significance, which makes it more attention-grabbing. Dehaene’s neuroimaging experiments, using both functional MRI and EEG, seem to reflect this, revealing widespread brain activity once the word is consciously perceived. He believes that two things are required for conscious processing: the stimulus has to be strong enough, and we have to focus our attention on it. Once this happens many areas of the brain, including working memory, have access to the word.
Sit up and take notice!

So much for conscious perception. What does work like this tell us about the other side of the coin? Dehaene’s masking experiments suggest that the subconscious is far from being a closed box. He has found that even when a word flashes up for less than 50 milliseconds and people are not aware of having seen it, they could still guess whether the word described a natural or artificial item more often than by chance.

What this suggests is that our brains constantly monitor our internal and external environment such that when the input becomes important enough, the subconscious decides to engage the conscious and we become aware of what is there. This is certainly what neurobiologist Michael Shadlen from the University of Washington in Seattle believes. “We suspect that the normal unconscious brain monitors the environment for cues that prompt it to decide whether to awaken and engage… The decision to engage at all is, in effect, an unconscious decision to be conscious.”
This idea that consciousness is orchestrated by the subconscious brain finds support in the recent dramatic “awakening” of a man who had spent six years in a minimally conscious state. Nicholas Schiff of the Weill Cornell Medical College in New York and his team stimulated a part of the man’s brain called the thalamus, which lies between the brainstem and the cerebral hemispheres and forms connections to the cortex. A special class of neurons within the thalamus, the calbindin-positive cells, have long been thought to play a role in arousal by stimulating the cortex. Sure enough, following stimulation of the thalamus, the man was suddenly able to open his eyes, speak and feed himself. In a commentary on the work, Shadlen and his colleague Roozbeh Kiani argue that this is the network through which the subconscious brain makes its decision to generate consciousness.

Crucially, Shadlen sees the subconscious and conscious as two parts of the same system, rather than two separate thought processors working in the same machine. However, while Shadlen argues for a unified model of mental processing, others want to further subdivide conscious and subconscious thought and have come up with alternative descriptions to replace the old two-part model. Peter Dayan, a theoretical neuroscientist at University College London, and colleagues Nathaniel Daw and Yael Niv, see the mind as comprising four systems that work together to control our decision-making and behaviour. First is the Pavlovian controller – the brain’s autopilot, programmed by evolution to perform routine and instinctive behaviours such as fleeing from danger. Working primarily at the subconscious level, the Pavlovian controller is fast and efficient, if inflexible.

The other three control systems combine both conscious and subconscious thought to achieve the best possible outcome depending on the level of uncertainty about the situation you are in. The goal-directed controller corresponds most closely to popular notions of “rational thought”. It allows you to optimize your choices by evaluating all the available information. When information is scarce, however – in unfamiliar situations or the very early stages of learning – another system, the episodic controller, takes charge. Instead of making complex calculations, it simply recommends adopting behaviors that have proved successful in similar situations in the past. Both rely heavily on conscious reasoning, and require you to focus on the problem at hand.
Once you achieve expertise in a skill such as driving, typing or playing golf, the fourth system, the habitual controller, comes into its own. Although we consciously learn to do these things, with experience they become second nature and we can do them automatically – in fact, once this happens, conscious analysis actually inhibits performance.
In this model, subconscious/implicit thought processes and conscious/explicit ones are more like equal partners than competitors. The two work together in the goal-directed controller, for example, to evaluate all the available information whether consciously or subconsciously perceived. So, for example, your decision to buy a certain product may be influenced by both explicit factors such as price and quality and implicit ones such as your mood, or an advert that you have seen but not necessarily noticed.

Dayan says that our behavior is often driven by more than one of the four controllers – the various types of explicit and implicit thought process may be actively integrated, and this is especially true when we are learning something new where the balance between ignorance and experience changes. Importantly, the subconscious isn’t the dumb cousin of the conscious, but rather a cousin with different skills.

What’s more, non-conscious thinking may actually work best in some cases where you might imagine rational, conscious thought is the best tool for the job. In situations where people have to make difficult choices based on large amounts of hard-to-assess information, psychologist Ap Dijksterhuis at the University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands has found that they are happier with their decision when acting on gut instinct than when forced to try to think the choice through rationally (New Scientist, 5 May 2007, p 35). Dijksterhuis is convinced that subconscious thought processes are superior in many situations – including most social interactions – because they allow us to integrate complex information in a more holistic way than can be managed by rational thought processes.

Something similar sometimes happens in problem solving, according to Jonathan Schooler from the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. By asking subjects to explain their reasoning as they go, he has found that verbalizing what they are doing has no effect on people’s ability to solve analytical, mathematical or logic problems but actually hinders performance on insight problems, such as solving a riddle – those for which the solution seems to pop out of the blue in an aha! moment. Remember that subconscious thought processes differ from conscious ones in that we are unable to articulate the former. So here, it seems, is experimental evidence for something we all instinctively know: that subconscious thinking is the source of our inspiration – it is central to creativity.
A classic study into the neural basis of creativity suggests that it depends on an ability to shift gear between subconscious and conscious processing. Three decades ago, Colin Martindale of the University of Maine in Orono charted what is happening in the creative mind using EEG. He asked people to invent stories and found two distinct stages of brain activity. During the initial “inspiration” stage, their brains were remarkably quiet. Any activity was dominated by alpha waves, which indicates very low cortical arousal as though the conscious mind was quiescent while the subconscious worked behind the scenes. Intriguingly, you find a similar pattern during dream sleep and relaxation, two mental states also associated with high creativity. This “inspiration” stage was followed by a second stage, “elaboration”, characterized by far more activity especially in the cortex, and probably associated with the conscious analysis and evaluation of ideas. People with the greatest difference in brain activity between these two stages were the most creative. More recently, Jordan Peterson at the University of Toronto, Canada, has argued that in highly creative people subconscious information is more likely to over-spill into consciousness, giving them richer mental resources from which to make creative connections.

The sort of inspiration that comes in a flash is not just about creativity, however. Elke Weber from Columbia University, New York, points out that it is important for memory too. For example, when we are having difficulty remembering someone’s name we often consign the problem to our subconscious in the knowledge that it will probably pop into our minds when we are no longer actively thinking about it. How this works is a mystery but, Weber argues, it surely belies the idea of the subconscious mind as inflexible and constrained.

So does all of this mean that the subconscious is as important an aspect of our humanity as the conscious mind? Ours is a species distinguished by its superior ability to learn new tricks, so maybe the subconscious – perhaps in the form of the habitual controller – took a crucial role in the evolution of our ancestors from bipedal apes to highly skilled tool-makers, hunters and craftspeople. Studies on rats and monkeys indicate that they too consign skills to subconscious control once they become expert. “Still, we may have a greater capacity for this,” says Dayan, “since we have the huge advantage of being able to use language to boost our goal-directed control and so provide a much richer substrate for acquiring habitual skills.”

The subconscious mind may even have a hand in our unique talent for language. Often we are only consciously aware of words as we speak them. So does that make language the mouthpiece of the non-conscious mind? And what about the process of learning to speak? Infants do not need tutoring to acquire their native language; they pick it up subconsciously. What’s more they do this with remarkably little linguistic data – what the Harvard University linguist Noam Chomsky has called the “poverty of stimulus” – suggesting that this subconscious learning allows youngsters to use information very efficiently. Perhaps this also explains why new languages are more difficult to acquire after about the age of 8 – if we then gradually lose that subconscious ability and so have to learn language in a more formal, didactic and conscious way. These questions remain unanswered, and perhaps that is not surprising. As Dayan points out, we still have a long way to go before we fully understand the various components of subconscious thought. “The aspects of learning that lead us to acquire a language may have nothing whatsoever in common with other non-conscious facets,” he says.

It is intriguing to wonder whether the human subconscious mind is different from that of other animals. Is there a human “higher subconscious” on a par with our “higher consciousness”? Given the difficulties of even pinning down the nature of consciousness, it is far too early to start elevating the subconscious to such heights. Still, if there is one thing everyone in Frankfurt agreed on, it is that our non-conscious thought processes are a lot cleverer than we once realized.

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