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When it comes to flirting in the hopes of finding The One, what works? The direct approach, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice your beautiful eyes?” Subtle glances? Playing hard to get? These were among my questions as I headed out on a field trip with Dr. Helen Fisher, a professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, and the author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Dr. Fisher has devoted her career to understanding human mating rituals—and her knowledge applies perfectly, she says, to today’s pickup scene. “Even in this modern age, humans adhere to courtship strategies that are as old as the hills, and used throughout the animal kingdom,” adds Fisher. And that’s why she and I headed out for a night of café- and bar-hopping, to observe what works (and what doesn’t) when it comes to mingling and the human mating call. Six hours, two coffee shops, and one (or was it two?) bars later, we had some interesting findings. Come along with us as we make the rounds—and learn!

Destination #1: The classic coffee bar for flirting how-to’s
Our first stop: Starbucks. To me, the woman in the green shirt is sipping a cappuccino and catching up with friends. But in Helen Fisher’s eyes, something much more primordial is happening: The woman in green is on the hunt, and has already staked out her quarry—a tall man in a blue-checkered button-down sitting next to her.

“See how her body’s twisted toward him in the ‘crouch’ position, with her hands near her face when she laughs?” Fisher whispers to me as she sips her chai latte. “It’s the ‘broken wing’ tactic. She’s sending a subtle signal his way that says, ‘protect me.’ Men love that.”

Indeed, Fisher says that secret signals of sexual attraction are at work whenever people mingle. The way you sit down with your cappuccino or Corona begins the courtship dance. “The first thing all animals do when attempting to find a mate is to set up their territory,” says Fisher. People who place laptops on their table or their coat and bags on a chair next to them, she explains, are attempting to carve out a perimeter so they can proceed to the next stage of courtship: attracting attention.

“Notice how that guy’s stirring his drink with his entire arm?” Fisher points out. “He’d never bother to do that at home.” The man then casually stretches his arms back in a gesture Fisher calls the ‘chest thrust,’ to appear as large and formidable as possible. “Pretty much all courtship postures fall into two categories: attempts to look big and attempts to look little,” she explains. Traditionally, men generally try to look big, or ‘loom,’ while women try to look small, or ‘crouch.’ The direction someone’s feet are pointing can also convey interest: Smitten women turn pigeon-toed; men pivot outward. “Feet can be a real giveaway,” says Helen. “People are quite conscious of their body and hands, but forget to control their feet.”

So, how do hopeful singles transition from a ‘loom’ or ‘crouch’ to an actual pounce? For women, Fisher suggests trying the tried-and-true ‘five-part flirt.’ “You catch someone’s eye, cock your head to the side, raise your eyebrows, look down, then away,” she explains, adding that women are usually more socially adept than men and thus better at initiating courtship. But at some point, she observes, a transfer must happen: In other words, the man has to pick up the ball and make his move.

Destination #2: A quirkier coffee bar for connection lessons
Dr. Fisher and I decide to move along to a coffee bar with more of a lounge-around atmosphere. Here, we observed some more mating rituals: “See those two girls over there? I think they want to be picked up,” Dr. Fisher says, nodding toward two bubbly twenty-somethings in cool, dressed-down clothes and knit caps, who are sitting in the corner of Grey Dog’s Coffee. While hardly dressed to impress, the two young women are nonetheless employing a different courtship strategy called “handicapping.” “They’re saying, ‘I’m so cool I don’t have to show off,’” Dr. Fisher explains.

While four men seated nearby can’t help but notice the two giggly girls, no one works up the guts to break the ice, and their reluctance is understandable: After all, what can you say to a complete stranger that won’t come off as corny? Fisher suggests trying questions (“Excuse me, do you know a good place around here to grab dinner?”) and compliments (“That’s a great laptop case. Where’d you get it?”) since both require a response and get you engaged in the next stage of courtship: ‘grooming talk.’ “It’s called ‘grooming talk’ because it really doesn’t matter what you say,” Fisher says simply. “If someone’s interested in you, they’ll keep talking.”

As the conversation heats up, a behavior called “mirroring” can kick in, says Dr. Fisher, furthering the connection. When mirroring, couples sip their coffee or cross their legs in unison, subtly mimicking each other’s movements. “It’s a very powerful way to develop rapport, since it actually helps your brain waves get in synch,” Dr. Fisher explains.

Singles should also keep an eye out for ‘intention gestures.’ “Basically that means the other person wants to touch you, but since she’s not sure if you’re receptive, she’ll rub her own arm or leg,” says Fisher.

We notice a couple in the corner, plying one another with forkfuls of cake. This is more mating in action, says Dr. Fisher. To further forge a bond, couples may engage in ‘courtship feeding’—each offering the other a sip of tea or a bite of his or her food. “Nuptial gifts of food are common among many animal species,” Dr. Fisher notes. “When a male chimpanzee offers a female a piece of sugar cane, she’ll copulate with him and then eat the sugar cane. Humans don’t move that quickly, but we all know there’s no such thing as a free lunch!”

While both men and women respond similarly to many courtship cues, one area where they’re wired very differently is eye contact. To prove her point, Fisher gestures towards a man who’s moved his chair so he can sit next to a woman rather than across from her. “That’s because while women gain intimacy from face-to-face interactions, men would rather avoid it—they find it uncomfortable, even invasive,” she explains. The reason for this dates back to the dawn of mankind, when males were forced to face their enemies, but sat side by side with their friends. It’s also why, these days, men love nothing more than sitting at a bar with their buddies watching the Rams vs. the Redskins, while women love nothing more than staring into their amour’s eyes over a candlelit dinner. “When couples fight over these types of differences, they’re also fighting millions of years of evolution,” Dr. Fisher explains. “Men and women are fundamentally different in many ways, and nothing’s going to change that overnight.”

Destination #3: A busy bar on Friday night for the laws of mating
We decide to see how the courtship dance looks when in a more ‘intense’ pick-up environment—a bar called Peep. As we sit down, Dr. Fisher points out that clearly, the couple sitting next to us is in love. They’re mirroring each other’s movements, ‘courtship feeding’ off each other’s cocktails, and displaying other tell-tale signs of a honeymoon period. Even so, their mating dance is far from over, says Dr. Fisher. At this point, keeping the person they’ve got, or ‘mate guarding,’ becomes a priority, and this pair illustrates this principal perfectly. “Now, normally the man would offer the woman the seat against the wall to signal he’s protecting her,” says Dr. Fisher. “But in this case, he’s in the back seat and she’s sitting facing him with her back to the room. It could be due to what she’s wearing.” The clothes in question? A camisole with a plunging neckline that, had the woman been seated facing the crowd, would have probably had every guy in the vicinity eyeing her. “By dressing that way, she’s asking to be mate guarded,” Dr. Fisher explains. “And maybe that’s why he took the back seat: so she attracts less attention.” Such displays of possessiveness are hardly unnecessary or “Neanderthal,” as some people might put it. One recent study found that 60 percent of men and 53 percent of women admitted to ‘mate poaching,’ a practice of stealing partners who are already taken. While it’s distressing to think that someone we love could be so easily ensnared by new prospects, Dr. Fisher points out that a little competition also pushes us to become more caring, attentive, and in short, better mates.

In fact, as we look across the bar, we see this principle in action: A woman in a slinky tank top, jeans, and stilettos who’s flirting with two men. “She’s giving them equal attention,” Dr. Fisher notes. “Since she obviously hasn’t made up her mind which one she likes, both of those men are working really hard.” We head home before finding out which man, if either, wins in the end. But it gets me wondering: Does courtship really boil down to winners and losers? Is the game of love really that cutthroat rather than warm and fuzzy? “The game of love is not nice,” Dr. Fisher says, “but then again, you’re playing for the biggest stakes in town. Nothing is so important.” And after listening to Dr. Fisher call the play-by-play on our night out on the town, I feel like my skills are definitely ready for the high-stakes game of romance.

If your looking to find someone to share your life with, are tired of the bar game, honestly try something proven. Right now, you have nothing to lose because it’s free, and so much to gain. Click here for a 7 Day Free Trial with Chemistry.com

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We’ve got another egregious edition of the Worst Food’s Hall of Shame that will turn stomachs and torture the taste buds. Let the gross begin!

From our Friends at eDiets.com
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Afterschool Snack Attack
When I was about 5, I would come home from school and ask my mum for a snack — but it wasn’t an ordinary snack. I would have a bowl of hot baked beans with 5 or 6 large marshmallows placed on top, then it would be thrown into the microwave for a few minutes and the marshmallows would be all gooey. It was great. — Marshmallow Mama

Cafe Mochacheeseo
A favorite of my family and my grandmother — who passed away 4 years ago at the young age of 109 — is sharp cheese in our coffee. This was usually a treat for Sunday breakfasts. We call it cheese coffee. Try it, it’s great. Make sure your coffee is hot and cut your sharp cheese into chunks, you just want the chunks to melt a little, not entirely. — Bad Barista

Totally UnKool
Have any of you heard of Kool-Aid Pickles? They are dill pickles soaked in Kool Aid. It is a popular snack in the south. Here’s a picture. — Anonymous

Pregnancy Recipe
This is what I ate when I was pregnant:
1/2 cup peanut butter (Jiff is best, but anykind will do.)
1/2 cup liverwerst
1/2 small onion chopped fine
1/2 tsp worchestershire sauce
spread on crackers or on wheat toast
– belinda

Fright at the Movies
Before I got married this was my all time favorite movie watching snack: Popcorn (the real kind — kettle-popped or air-popped) buttered and salted, with Sugar Babies and pink lemonade. You have sweet, salty, and tart. You have crunchy and chewy. It’s the best. — De-lish

Shaking Things Up
As a child I loved to dip my french fry in my chocolate shake. Then, as I got older, I craved this taste, so I started crumpling plain potato chips into chocolate ice cream. I love that sweet and salty taste together. — Lori

When I was a kid, I dipped my french fries in my chocolate shake! Now, in my 30s, I never thought I’d see potatoes and chocolate again until I recently discovered chocolate covered potato chips at a local candy store. (I don’t buy them…honest!) — Chocolate Chipper

Once You Pop…
You haven’t tasted anything until you try this taste combination. This salty, creamy, crunchy delight was my favorite treat. You simply dip salty Pringles in any brand of butterscotch pudding that comes in little cans for sack lunches. Oh! I do miss it. I hope you like it, too! — Loretta H.

Greasy Spooners
My boyfriend makes his signature breakfast that is worthy of the Hall of Shame. He takes a half package of bacon and fries it up all at once, saving the grease. After the bacon is cooked and the pan is nice and greasy, he adds in scrambled eggs and chunks of bread to cook and soak up all of the bacon fat! He loves it, but I can only stomach about half of a helping before the grease gets to me! Lucky for him he gets lots of exercise, so the weekly breakfast has not added on a pound! — Katherine
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Do you have a strange or disgusting dish you’re not ashamed to share? Come clean by posting it below and we could use it in an upcoming article.

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Fad Diets
Are these diets healthy?

Shed unwanted weight by eating meats and desserts? Sign me up! Lose 10 pounds in a weekend by drinking a miracle juice? Count me in! If you’re struggling to lose weight, some of the fad diets out there might sound like dreams come true. So you head out and buy diet books, food scales and special foods in the hopes of lightening up for good..

Unfortunately, most diets that sound too good to be true really are. They may be nutritionally unsound, cause you to lose only water weight, or be impossible to follow for the long term. We spoke with nutritionists to tell you which diets will help you lose weight and which ones will only lighten your wallet.

The Atkins diet

Who wouldn’t love this diet? You can eat as much fat and protein as you like. Insulin causes the body to store fat, so carbs, which increase the insulin levels in the body, are limited. This causes a condition called ketosis, where the body burns fat and protein instead of sugar to supply energy.

What the pros say
Insulin enables our cells to use glucose for energy. It’s true that insulin helps the body store fat so many diets these days blame this hormone for our weight problems. However, condemning insulin and banning carbs is based on false science. One mistaken theory is that only carbs stimulate insulin production, while in fact all foods, whether pure sugar or lean meats, do this. Another incorrect theory is that insulin stores fat only when high-carb foods are eaten. The bottom line is that fat will be stored any time too much food is eaten, no matter what the source. If you eat more calories than your body burns, whether those calories come from carbs, protein or fat, you will gain weight.

As for ketosis, “This is a state your body goes into when you’re ill or semi-starving,” says Katherine Tallmadge, R.D., M.A., author of Diet Simple. “It will cause you to lose weight fast, but half of that weight will be muscle and water.”

Other caveats: Cutting carbs can decrease brain function, and it lowers the body’s ability to absorb calcium after six weeks. Eating excessive amounts of fat and protein may result in cancer, kidney stones and heart disease. “There are all kinds of dangers,” Tallmadge says. “It’s not a healthy way to lose weight.”

The Cabbage Soup diet

A soup that burns calories—what a discovery! The Cabbage Soup diet promises to help you shed 10 to 15 pounds in a week by eating strict combination’s of food plus the wondrous cabbage soup. For example, on day one you can eat only fruits (except banana) and all the cabbage soup you want. On day two, you eat all the veggies you like, a baked potato with butter for dinner, plus (of course) the cabbage soup. On day five you eat 10 to 20 ounces of beef, up to six tomatoes, and—guess what?—cabbage soup.

What the pros say
“There’s no real rhyme or reason to this diet,” says Joy Bauer, M.S., R.D., C.D.N., author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Total Nutrition and The 90/10 Weight Loss Plan. “The soup is great; there’s nothing wrong with the soup at all. But the diet itself is completely random.” Bauer theorizes that the diet is fun for people to follow, but there’s no sense behind the strange food combos.

Will you lose weight? Maybe, but that’s because by restricting yourself to the bizarre combination’s of foods, you’re actually controlling your calorie intake. The downside is that this diet is nearly impossible to maintain in the long run.

And eating too much cabbage can also bollix up your digestive system. As we know, cabbage can cause gas. But Bauer also tells of a dieter who called her office, desperate because he hadn’t had a bowel movement in 13 days. After asking some questions, Bauer discovered that he had been following the cabbage soup diet the whole time.

The Scarsdale diet

One of the classic fad diets, the Scarsdale diet started decades ago and is still around today. Instead of counting calories or using portion control, you eat a low-carb diet for seven to 14 days. Snacking is not allowed, and meals consist of fruits, veggies and lean meats. The upside is that since there is no portion control, you can eat as much as you like.

What the pros say
The Scarsdale is a semi-low-carb diet. It does promote salads and lean meats, which is a good point. The diet is low in calories, which means you can’t stay on it for very long. “You’ll lose weight quickly, but the fat loss is largely water,” says Melanie Polk, R.D., director of nutrition education at the American Institute for Cancer Research. The diet is also difficult to follow because there isn’t a lot of variety or flexibility. According to Polk, any diet that deemphasizes carbs tends to be high in saturated fat, which can lead to heart disease.

The Hollywood 48-Hour Miracle Diet

You’ve probably seen the ad in magazines—drink nothing but this miracle juice for two days and say good-bye to fat. The fruits, vegetables, vitamins, minerals, essential oils and antioxidants in the juice cleanse your digestive system and activate your body’s internal “fat-burning furnace.”

What the pros say
“This is ridiculous,” Bauer says. “Basically what you’re doing is fasting.” Polk agrees that this diet is bogus. “When you’re talking about losing that much weight in a short time, you’re talking water loss,” Polk says. Sure, you’ll see a drop on the scale as you lose water, but the weight will come right back again as soon as you go off the diet.

In addition, starving yourself even for a day can make it harder for you to lose weight in the long run. Your body is good at holding onto whatever fat you have, even if you’re starving yourself, by slowing down its systems like the cardiovascular system, the nervous system and the gastrointestinal system. This means you’re burning fewer calories, and your body needs fewer calories to get by. Even a one-day fast can have a negative effect. According to Tallmadge, your metabolism can drop within 24 to 48 hours.

Say you have a reunion in two days and you’re desperate to fit into that little black dress. “You don’t need to do this Hollywood diet,” Bauer says. “It’s the same as drinking two glasses of orange juice and popping a multivitamin and drinking a lot of water throughout the day.” On the other hand, whichever way you choose to starve yourself before an event, you’ll probably end up being so irritable and achy come D-day that the fast won’t be worth it.

Sugar Busters

Once again, insulin is the bad guy, causing our bodies to store more fat. Foods that rank high on the glycemic index—a measure of how much your blood sugar increases in the two or three hours after eating a certain food—should be avoided, such as white bread, pasta and other low-fiber carbs.

What the pros say
Although the theory that insulin makes you fat is false, this diet is a good one. Sugar Busters eliminates “white foods” such as sugar, white bread and cake and pushes brown rice, wheat berries, bulgur, whole-wheat bread and other high-fiber carbs. However, you can still gain weight by following this diet if you don’t exercise portion control, Bauer says.

The Zone diet

According to this diet, the zone for max calorie burning is 40 percent carbohydrates, 30 percent protein and 30 percent fat. The diet’s author claims that carbs make us fat because most people are insulin resistant. Carbs increase insulin production, which cause the body to store more fat.

What the pros say
The Zone is a more sensible version of Atkins. The plan is actually low in calories, which is why you lose weight. There’s no magic in the percentages of carbs, fat and protein that results in fat loss. “This diet is fine,” Bauer says. However, it can be difficult to stay in the “zone” for long periods of time.

The Grapefruit Diet

This diet has been floating around for years. The diet allows you to eat pretty much any fatty, protein-rich foods you like, as long as you eat a half of a grapefruit with your meal. The grapefruit supposedly acts as a catalyst that jumpstarts the fat-burning process. The diet allows double or even triple servings of meats plus salads with any kind of salad dressing, but eliminates starches and sugars.

What the pros say
The Grapefruit Diet, although nutritionally insufficient, won’t kill you if you try it for a week or two. But even if you manage to lose any weight, which is unlikely, as soon as you return to your old eating habits the pounds will fly back on.

Food combining

Food combining is a complicated set of rules that supposedly allows food to move through your body as efficiently as possible. According to the proponents of this diet, food that is allowed to stagnate in your body results in weight gain and other health problems.

On this diet, you can eat nothing but fruit until noon. Starches must be kept separate from proteins so no turkey sandwiches or meat and potatoes for you. You must allow two to three hours between a starch and a protein meal. Fruits must be kept separate from all other food groups. Dairy with starch meals is a no-no. The list goes on and on, telling the dieter what foods may be eaten with what other foods, and how long you must wait between certain types of meals.

What the pros say
“There’s no scientific evidence that food combining enhances fat loss, or that waiting three hours before switching from a protein to a carbohydrate meal makes any difference whatsoever,” Polk says. Our bodies are made to be able to handle a combination of foods. By restricting which foods can be eaten in which combination’s, the dieter’s food choices are limited, which is what results in fat loss—not the combining itself. “It’s not dangerous,” Bauer says. “It’s just hokey.”

This is one of the hardest diets to follow for the long term, and it’s socially restrictive. Imagine trying to separate fruits, starches and proteins at a restaurant or a party!

Will that diet work? Ask yourself these questions:

• Does the diet promise more than it can deliver? Words like “wonder,” “miracle” and “breakthrough” are red flags, as are promises of huge losses over a short period of time.
• Is there any research to support the diet? Research should be done by an independent researcher and ideally published in a peer-reviewed journal.
• Is this a diet you can sustain for a lifetime? If it’s very restrictive or requires bizarre food combination’s, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to stick to it.
• Does the diet eliminate a particular food group? If so, steer clear. All food groups are necessary for a nutritionally adequate diet.
• Does the diet emphasize a particular “wonder food?” There is no one food that will magically cause you to lose weight.

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A little over a week ago I had the opportunity to experience first hand the Cities of America Pageant National contest. I was asked to judge this competition along side some incredible judges across the Nation. More importantly I had the chance to take part of a competition I had pre-conceived notions and biased views.

To Contact Cities of America Pageant or to learn about local pageants please call Nationals at: 1-800-454-3420

Like many people out there who have never been around pageants my mind wondered to a pretty girl standing on stage asking for world peace, and that’s about it. When I was asked to judge this competition I had to consider it, then decided that I was being very unfair with my pre-conceived ideas without ever seeing first hand. Basically, I was doing what I tell others not to do, judging without knowing anything, you know the saying, “ignorance is bliss”, and I was ignorant. So, I live my life by the actions I speak of and challenge others to live by. I went into the competition with a open mind, and ready to be impressed.

The Cities of America Pageant is a truly unique pageant. You never hear the staff or directors of the pageant refer to the competition as a “beauty pageant”. There is no swim suit competition, these girls are judged based on their personality, character, confidence, and grace and beauty as they take their stage. I was amazed at the girls, their accomplishments, their dreams and desires. Their actions they take everyday to achieve a personal level of greatness and service to others. Beautiful young ladies of all sizes, nationalities, backgrounds, and circumstances. I met dreamers, kind & charming confident women.

I heard many different reasons for their participation in the pageants and ultimately the National competition they were at. It was more than the chance at over $25,000 in prizes, cruises, cars, and more. Many of the girls before the city competitions never competed before. They were shy, reserved, never spoke in front of a crowd. They walked away with confidence, they learned the importance of a strong confident walk, and how these seemingly small attributes changes their whole physiology and creates a self power from within. I heard from parents, who started as very skeptical, and say after the local competitions, “I never knew she had that in her”!

The Cities of America Pageant was something, that I now strongly support, I also see a value for girls who want to achieve greatness in their lives. Today, men and women are faced with different challenges they are not prepared for. In my life and career, I have had to play many roles, be a different character depending on the environment and country. I had to learn to become sophisticated, charming, and learn the “small” skills not taught in school. These small skills which make the largest impact I am talking about used to be taught through a finishing school, some fraternities, and sororities. How to walk, sit, eat, manners, personal communication skills with a few, or in front of many. How to adjust your speech and answer questions completely and without all the “ums”, “you know’s”. These are important, very important life skills. The Cities of America Pageant teaches these skills, and does a tremendous job at it.

The hardest part I was faced with was judging and trying to narrow a sea of amazing girls down to only 10. I grew attached to these girls, I new their dreams, family, their life. It was hard, very hard and then being asked to pick One from the top 10, when you wanted them all to win. These pageant girls as the are referred to, are the future leaders, they are brilliant, and special, and they care for others with a true compassion for others. I am proud of all them and very proud to have been involved.

To Contact Cities of America Pageant or to learn about local pageants please call Nationals at: 1-800-454-3420

To see more photo’s from the pageant visit the Cities of America Pageant 2009 Photo Gallery Here.

To Learn more about the Cities of America Pageant Click HERE.

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If I had to sum up in two words what this article is about , I’d say: Producing results! Think about it. Isn’t that what you’re really interested in? Maybe you want to change how you feel about yourself and your world. Maybe you’d like to be a better communicator, develop a more loving relationship, learn more rapidly, become healthier, or earn more money. You can create all of these things for yourself, and much more.

Before you can produce new results, however, you must first realize that you’re already producing results. They just may not be the results you desire. Most of us think of our mental states and most of what goes on in our minds as things that happen outside our control. But the truth is you control your mental activities and your behaviors to a degree you never believed possible before. If you’re depressed, you created and produced that show you call depression. If you’re ecstatic, you created that, too.

It’s important to remember that emotions like depression do not happen to you. You don’t “catch” depression. You create it, like every other result in your life, through specific mental and physical actions. In order to be depressed, you have to view your life in specific ways. You have to say certain things to yourself in just the right tones of voice. You have to adopt a specific posture and breathing pattern. For example, if you wish to be depressed, it helps tremendously if you collapse your shoulders and look down a lot. Speaking in a sad-sounding tone of voice and thinking of the worst-possible scenarios for your life also helps. If you throw your biochemistry into turmoil through poor diet or excessive alcohol or drug use, you assist your body in creating low blood sugar and thus virtually guarantee depression.

My point here is simply that it takes effort to create depression. It’s hard work, and it requires taking specific types of actions. Some people have created this state so often, though, that it’s easy for them to produce. If fact, often they’ve linked this pattern of internal communication as their natural state of living. Others have lived with it so long that it actually feels comfortable. They become identified with the state. We can, however, change our mental and physical actions and thereby immediately change our emotions and behaviors.

You can become ecstatic by immediately adopting the point of view that creates that emotion. You can picture in your mind the kinds of things that create that feeling. You can change the tone andcontent of your internal dialogue with yourself. You can adopt the specific postures and breathing patterns that create that state in your body, and voila! You will experience ecstasy. If you wish to be compassionate, you must simply change your physical and mental actions to match those the state of compassion requires. The same is true of love or any other emotion.

You might think of the process of producing emotional states by managing your internal communication as being similar to a director’s job. To produce the precise results he wants, the director of a movie manipulates what you see and hear. If he wants you to be scared, he might turn up the sound and splash some special effects on the screen at just the right moment. If he wants you to be inspired, he’ll arrange the music, the lighting, and everything else on the screen to produce the effect. A director can produce a tragedy or a comedy out of the same event, depending upon what he decides to put on the screen. You can do the same things with the screen of your mind. You can direct your mental activity, which is the underpinning of all physical action, with the same skill and power. You can turn up the light and sound of the positive messages in your brain, and you can dim the pictures and sounds of the negative ones. You can run your brain as skillfully as Spielberg or Scorsese runs his set.

Some of what follows will seem hard to believe. You probably don’t believe there’s a way to look at a person and know his exact thoughts or to instantly summon up your powerful resources at will. But if you had suggested one hundred years ago men would go to the moon, you would have been considered a madman, a lunatic. (Where do you think that word came from?) If you had said it was possible to travel from New York to Los Angeles in five hours, you would have seemed like a crazy dreamer. But it took the mastery of specific technologies and laws of aerodynamics to make those things possible. Because in the end what is truly possible? Dream Big! Nothing’s Impossible!

Tollie…

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If you think clicking with another person is all about fate, destiny or a fairy godmother, think again! There’s actually some (very) weird science at work…and here’s proof:

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Where are you going with your life? If you are presiding over an organization or a department within an organization; where is your organization headed? How are you conducting the business of life? In a free world like the one in which most of us are privileged to live, there is absolutely no limit to what one can achieve. You can win at life and achieve your wildest dreams. However, in order to win or succeed you need to conduct yourself in such a way that you win. 
In all matters of human achievement, there are causes and there are effects. There are actions and there are results. There is sowing and there is reaping. Furthermore, just as sowing must precede reaping, so must actions come before results. This is common sense and yet the world revolves around it. In the achievement equation genes, fate and external circumstances play a very minor role. It matters little what type of genes one possesses. If one sows the right kind of actions, one will as surely as the sun rises also reap the right kind of fruit.

Winning is therefore an effect that follows certain actions.
Winners Don’t Do Different Things. They Do Things Differently
In every field of human endeavor the winners and the champions do not necessarily do different things. However, invariably they do things differently. Winning sales people usually sell exactly the same commodities that failing sales people sell. They win because they do it differently. Insurance agents are a case in point. They market the same portfolio of products at exactly the same price for the same companies. However, while most agents fail dismally, others make great fortunes in the same circumstances. Tiger Woods plays under exactly the same rules as other golfers but he is a champion because he plays his strokes differently. Service organizations such as hospitals provide identical services, yet others succeed while others flop. The same is true of supermarkets and other retail shops.

Winners are winners because they dare to be different. They have the courage to differentiate themselves in a world where there are too many copycats and imitators. Winners deliberately and consciously pursue a strategy of differentiation. By so doing they choose to travel on the road less often traveled and enter through the narrow gate when the mediocre and the losers opt for the easy road of commonality.

Winners see every day as a special day, every task as a special assignment, and every encounter as an opportunity for progress. To the winners there are no mundane tasks and small games. Every opportunity is treated as a life defining opportunity.

Furthermore, winning teams take every game seriously, including and especially the so called small games thereby guarding against complacency which is excellence’s great enemy. Small contracts are treated as meticulously as if the future depends on them. While the mediocre and the losers treat little matters dismissively, nonchalantly and even mockingly, the winners realize that exactitude in little matters is the very soul of excellence and discipline. Thus they build a reputation for excellence, and by continuously striving for excellence they make superior performance their norm and habit.

Winners Do Things That Losers Don’t Like Doing

The commonest way by which winners differentiate themselves is by diligently doing the things that losers don’t like doing. There are far too many people competing for the low ground and easy things. Everyone likes to pick the proverbial low lying fruit. Competition is always intense when the challenge is small and the rewards are little. It is like competing to fish in a pond when there is a lake nearby. However, as most people discover in the course of life the sweetest fruit normally is found higher up the tree. To obtain the best fruit one has to climb up the tree. Thus sweat comes before the sweets. It is the sweat that the losers are averse to.

When the majority of the people are disinclined to go the second mile, the winners deliberately adopt a strategy of going the extra mile. This always pays off handsomely because there is no congestion on the extra mile. When most companies are offering a basic product, the winning companies augment their core products with after sales service and a plethora of other little extras that create an impression of difference in the eyes of the customer.

Winners Focus on the Gain, But Losers Focus on the Pain

Winners see the gain in applying themselves wholeheartedly to difficult tasks that ultimately shape the contours of their lives. Quite to the contrary losers flood their minds with images and thoughts of the pain that they must go through in order to achieve something meaningful. Winners because of their focus on the gain and benefits are able to face the challenges with dignity. Losers on the other hand succumb to the human tendency to avoid and minimize pain. The end result is that the winners will obtain a premium from their efforts. This gain will reinforce the winner’s desire to go after those things that most people run away from. The winner thereby embarks on a virtuous cycle of achievement.

Winning, therefore becomes the winner’s habit. The loser constantly sees the pain, and also enters a different kind of cycle, the vicious cycle of failure. The painful truth is that most people know more or less what they need to do to change the circumstances of their lives, but they are too addicted to the loser’s predilection with pain aversion. Losing also becomes the loser’s habit. Thus winning is a habit and so is losing.

The bottom line is that winners specialize in excelling in the things that the losers dislike doing. Sometimes this takes the form of working longer hours when everyone else is in bed. Sometimes it calls for going back to school when one is no longer young. Sometimes it is risking one’s own life and wealth. Sometimes it is creative action and relentless innovation. It comes in different shapes and sizes.

Being different is a choice. Make it your life’s assignment to prospect, seek out and mine the opportunities and treasures that come with doing the good but challenging things that the majority dislike doing.

Dare to be different.

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